The grieving process is a strange thing. I don’t think anyone knows how it’s supposed to go. Perhaps it helps to realize what stage you’re supposed to be in, be it denial, anger, bargaining, and so on. But I don’t really think so. I think we all kind of muddle through. There’s no really set way you’re supposed to act. There’s no etiquette. No rules.
I am still in disbelief. I can’t even form a proper sentence. You were one in a trillion; larger-than-life. Unforgettable. You were more sincere and genuine than anyone I will ever meet in my entire life (I know this). You were always yourself, unapologetically and unabashedly. I will always keep you with me.
The stories and memories have been playing through my mind on endless repeat. Fourteen years of you. There are so many I don’t even know where to start; they keep popping up like some ridiculous window devoid of context, no chronology but just moments.
Pure, simple moments: your laugh, the way you pushed up your sleeves; that blue shirt you wore all through grade twelve because you thought (correctly) it looked smokin’; your lewd comments and loud guffaws; how I used to have to prepare people for meeting you (the “Jon Talk”); the way you called me a sister; the way you talked a mile a minute with your mouth full, rambling about pickles; the gel in your hair; your old, shitty car (“ole Bluey”) that didn’t go in reverse and you needed to leave the windows open or die of carbon monoxide poisoning; your bear hugs; the way you hit on my mom; and my sister; and my friends… a lot of my friends; and my aunt; and my godsister; the fact that your favourite series of Red Dwarf was series eight (seriously?); when you were five-foot-nothing in grade eight with that white turtleneck; you knowing all the lyrics to Baby Got Back and rapped it beautifully; seeing the Star Wars trilogy rerelease with you; going through the Lord of Rings gauntlet with you – extended editions and everything; the Full Frampy; you were the greatest character I ever wrote (and I didn’t even have to exaggerate all that much); the way you loved people… your family, your friends… you loved unconditionally and completely; the fact that you were always the first to comfort people… so right now I just don’t know what I’m going to do…
I will miss you forever. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to believe you’re gone.
I love you, Jon-Jon Frampypants.